This weekend was a one of a lot of thought, pondering, praying, fasting, crying, more praying. There has been a lot on my mind lately between my cousin Jared and his family, Hanna and her cancer, ( thankfully she's ok) and my life in general. I've been in this funk lately, some of it my own fault, doing the woe is me card, the typical 'I wish I lived by family, I don't have any close friends here, my husband is ALWAYS working', the same old things that get myself in these stupid funks! When it comes right down to it, I am so GRATEFUL that my husband works as hard as he does, I am so GRATEFUL that I get to see my family as often as a do, living as far away from them as I do! I have a wonderful ward with many wonderful people who care about me, I know this.
I am so grateful for the gospel, especially now as my family deals with more Cancer. Life just seems so unfair at times. WHY? It's not supposed to be like this! My grandparents aren't supposed to have to bury any kids or grand kids! Children shouldn't have to loose their parents and parent's shouldn't have to loose their children! The ONLY thing that gets me through these thoughts and these hard times in life is the Gospel. Without it I know I would be lost, and a serious mess of a person. I am so grateful that we can be together again with our families, that this isn't IT. I am grateful for the Atonement that makes it all possible!
As I was trying to fight off the fasting hunger panes yesterday afternoon I decided to watch this Oprah show about things that change your life in an instant. There were multiple touching stories, but none like that of Stephanie Nielsen and her husband. They had been in a airplane crash a little over a year ago and were on the show talking about the ordeal. She was in Coma for over 3 months and her husband woke up from his, faced with the decision to try and keep her alive or let her go. She was severely burned and it was a very long recovery process( and still is). Her children wouldn't come near her for quite some time, they were afraid of her, because she of course did not look like 'their' mom. I can't even begin to imagine the anguish of your children not wanting to be near you! Her spirit was amazing and I was just so inspired at her zeal for life and gratitude that she got her second chance at life, to raise her children and be with her family albeit very hard and painful at times. As I finished the show, sobbing, I prayed to end my fast,(more sobbing) I came up and got on her blog, which amazed me and touched me even more!(BTW she is a member which explains why she had that special spirit about her!) This is a part of her entry:
"I had a simple glimpse of me coming back, I get to create a new 'me' whatever that entails. It hasn't been easy having to reinvent myself. i have(and still do) morn for Stephanie. Where did she go? Now I look in the mirror and see someone else, but it's still me. It's...well...wierd. I have to learn to be me again. I have to accept and hope. And I should stop saying 'should' and replace that with 'get'. I GET to have a second chance at life. I get to enjoy my children even if my fingers don't work. I get to change the way I look at life and how I can somehow help someone else in need.
And best of all, I get to have my husband. He is still him and I am still me and we still can and are creating the same love we had before. I may becoming a different Stephanie, but it's still me.
What an honor."
This person who I have never met has inspired me to look at life through her eyes. Things could always be worse. Things happen for a reason, to help those around through their trials. We are here to learn through each other!
Once again I am so grateful for my Savior. That because and through him I will get to be reunited with my family for eternity! What an amazing blessing! Thank you Stephanie for making me see the bigger picture in this difficult time in my life! You are an inspiration and a blessing to all!