Ramblings

I have been a terrible blogger latley.

Not only does the everyday goings on of a mother of four, make the last thing I want to do when they are in bed is sit at the computer, but we have been so busy, and I have been in those January blues you could say.

For the first time in my motherhood years, have I been up countless night worrying about one of my children. I know I will have many more nights of this to come as my children grow, and face life's challenges, but I was not expecting to have those nights so soon.

Kylee has had some friend issues at school, and the past month it has excelled. So I did what I thought was best, and went in and talked to the Principal to see if we could stop this once and for all.

I thought we had come up with a pretty good solution. Apparently to other parents I was so wrong!

Let's just say I was not backed up by the method, and I felt attacked. 

There are so many good reasons I love being surrounded by fellow LDS members. But this is not one of them. There just was no escape from the issue. These girls are classmates, neighbors, and church classmates. Woah. Lets just say it adds to the drama, and there is no escape.

I have been up countless hours on how to help my daughter be a more Christ like example, how to be nice no matter what. I could go on and on. But you get the idea. It's been a very stressful situation.

I also have had my sister on my mind. She went into the hospital today for her transplant.

I haven't missed a treatment of hers this time around, and I feel so guilty not being there. She has our mother with her, so I really shouldn't feel bad. But I do. I feel guilty that she will be sick, in a hospital bed, and I will be going on a cruise in a few days. I should be jumping out of my seat excited, but all I can think about is my sweet sister fighting for her life.

I will say, with all the stresses of life I am so grateful I have the gospel. while the last few months have been nothing but bumps in the road, I know I have my Savior to fall back on. I think sometimes I feel because I have the savior in my life, things should be smooth sailing. But that would go against what we were sent here for. This earthly life wasn't meant for smooth sailing. We knew their would be trials. IF we weather the storm, and trust in him, we will be blessed. And that is comforting.

So I will continue on. Continue to be on my knees for my children. Continue to do the best I can!

A Look Back at 2012

There have been many ups and a few down's for 2012.

The biggest up, and down was a move across the country, back to the west!

Minnesota was really growing on us, and we had practically raised our kids in Chaska up to this point. We bought our first house:

I was so sad to leave my home...

We had to say good bye to great friends.

Kylee and her bestie Haylie.

Really life would not have been the same without my dear friend Adriene, and her whole family.

Annie. Seriously made me such a better runner! Our kids had so much fun together. So hard to leave such a best friend.

And my dear Tracie. The only thing that made leaving her easier, was that she was leaving as well.

Buying a new home! Loving the extra space, and HUGE yard! Having our home so close to other family has been so awesome!

We had an awesome trip to Yellowstone. Our kids loved camping, and seeing all the wildlife.

We had some visitors from Chicago!

Just love the Mobergs. It was like we had never been apart.

Another huge accomplishment for me running! Marathon #2 and so much fun.

Ryan had a GREAT TRI season here in Idaho, Standing on the podium just about every race!

Some cousin reunion when my family came down for a visit!

After a lot of ups coming our way, we were hit with a huge down.

My sister relapsed and is going through chemo all over again. It's been so hard to watch her get sick every treatment. It's been hard to watch her and Sandy go through what me and Ryan went through 10 years ago.

Despite the few difficulties we have faced, I feel so blessed. I am grateful to have the Savior in my life. I am grateful for families.

Most of all I am so blessed to have these five people in my life everyday!

That these children call me mom, and love me unconditionally.

That I have an amazing husband, who loves me, supports me, and most importantly loves his Savior.

Here is to a wonderful 2012, and hoping for more happiness in 2013.

Thankful

I will never forget October 7, 2002. It's a day etched into my mind problably for the rest of my life.

It was a Monday. The weekend after General Conference. Ryan had had a horrible weekend coughing, barely getting any sleep.

We finally decided that he needed more than just some medicine, cause clearly that wasn't working.

He called me at work some hours later, and I will never forget our conversation.

The panic that set in, and the feeling, of this is not good.

The day was filled with scans, and doctors. And finally Ryan in the ICU.

Even though there were times that I thought that this was so unfair. He was young, we were newlyweds, his schooling was really tough, there were so many blessings that came from this trial in our lives. We gained so many close friends who took care of us. We had amazing doctors and nurses, who became like family to us.

As hard as that year was, it taught us a lot. I had a conversation with some friends some weeks ago about marriage in general.  How some people say they would never repeat their first year of marriage. I happen to disagree with this statement. I think I shocked them, and Ryan. Yes, watching him go through that ordeal was horrible. But our marriage, not at all. I loved every minute of it. Were their hard times, sure, but not cause of our marriage, because of our circumstances. I feel we handled it well. Doesn't' mean I didn't have melt downs, cause trust me there were plenty!

 When I look back now, I can be thankful. Thankful for what it taught me about myself, thankful for my spouse, and thankful for the gospel. No matter the outcome of tough situations, 

we are an eternal family. How great is that!? 

After a rough year we welcomed Caden into our family. What a blessing.

Thinking he may very well be our only child, and thinking it could take awhile if we were blessed with more children, not even two years later we were joined by our little spitfires, Kylee and Brandon. Brooke soon followed. I am so grateful for my family.

I am greatful for trials that test us and help us grow.

Most of all I am grateful for my husband. He is amazing. Who would have thought 9 years ago, that he would be a crazy triathlete, and father of four?!

Ryan, I love you!

You know enough.

This simple statement has been somewhat comforting to me today.
I have been having one of those days, reflecting on all the things that are going on in my life.
This summer has been full of trials for me. Some good, some bad, which has had me questioning, do I really KNOW enough?!
I'm I certain that what I am doing hear on this earth truly matters?
Is this stay at home mother thing truly is my calling?
Will I really see my loved ones again?

It seems that when tragedy, heartache, or the mundane tasks of motherhood pull at me I have these thoughts.
Today was was reflecting on these thoughts, and came across some wonderful messages.
I don't have to have all the answers!
As long as I know that MY Savior lives, he died for me, atoned for my sins. All things are possible. I know enough. I may not know all, but that is not the purpose of this life.
I do know I will see my family again!
I may not understand why somethings happen on this earth, but I have my FAITH in the gospel of Jesus Christ to help me through those rough moments.

I had an incredibly hard time when my grandmother passed away.
She was the world to me. I couldn't have asked for a better lady to be MY grandma!
But as I attended her funeral, I knew that this would not be the last time I saw her.

I spent the last couple weeks in Utah.
I was able to spend quite a bit of time with my cousins.
I tried ever so hard to not think about what was happening to my cousin Jared.
I tried not to question why someone so young, with a young wife and 4 beautiful kids has to be taken from this life so prematurely.
This is the part that I do not know. And this is where I need to rely on my faith that I know enough. This beautiful family will be together again. For Jared it will fly by before he has his family in his arms again. For those of us left behind, we need to carry that with us and trust in our Savior.

This week my sister in laws cousin was tragically killed.
It's so hard to understand or even imagine why someone would want to end another persons life. Often without a second thought.
This was something we knew we would face as we accepted the mission to come on this earth. Gain a body. And have our free agency. Unfortunately this does not keep us out of the path of those that choose to forget the savior.
This is so HARD for me to comprehend.
Once again falling back on the FAITH and knowledge that I do have a testimony in the Savior.
Life may be hard, complicated, and sometimes downright unfair.
But if I continue to put my trust in the LORD I will know the truth of all things.
I do know that what I do here on earth matters.
A LOT. I am so blessed that I get to be a mother! And I couldn't have asked for 4 more perfect special spirits to try and do the best job I can at motherhood.(hopefully I don't screw the up for life...:)
No matter the trials that come my way, I know that I do know enough; and that is a firm belief in the Savior.

The Cade is 7!!!

I can not believe that my little Indiana Baby turned 7 today!
It really doesn't' seem that long ago that this is the face I was staring at all day:

And before I knew it I had a little one year old boy!

His second birthday brought the end of the only child phase as 10 days later he got not one, but two siblings.
Isn't he just too cute?!

Three! I so loved Caden at this age! He was so much fun!

Big milestone, 5 years old and Kindergarten!

And now my boy is 7! He's grown up right before my eyes!

We got him a much needed new bike!

I am so lucky to have this boy in my life!
He is the best big brother to all of his siblings. Never one to leave anyone out.
He has such a strong knowledge of the gospel already, and that makes me proud.
He loves to read! I literally have to go in his room every night to turn off his lamp so that he'll go to sleep.
He is a social butterfly and can hardly stand a day without being able to play with his friends.
But most of all he is still a little boy who will give his mom and dad a kiss and hug, even with friends around. I know I need to cherish these moments, cause soon I'll be the last person he wants to kiss.:(
Happy Birthday Caden!
We love you!